Base Truth & I Let Go

I had the craziest day yesterday. A day filled with surprises and craziness. So today... I let go. I now allow and rely only on the love of God to take me to where I most need to be. Here. Right here in this moment.

When I let go and allow for the greatest awareness in true faith that what is necessary for me, along my journey, this will indeed transpire. I will be movitvated, or rather compelled, in that direction, forward, because I can. I am God. a teenie ray of the light. As are you and everyone on this planet... Good or Bad, Happy or Sad. I choose ME. i am tired of acting or pretending, I choose LIFE. I have been sending out resumes and looking out for work, yet I am leaving it up to my highest good to bring back to me... what I deserve, what I am workthy of. That is what will appear. This I most need to remember. There is a secret to life and I am not sure if I have found it. "Keep writing," they say, as though I am possessed. Trust is imperative... and a sense of humour.. and integrity. I had 3 surgeries and each time I asked God to take me if I am not surving my purpose or it has been completed. At the time, I was so sick. I accepted it, but it was so difficult. There were good days and there were bad days, as there always are, heck there are great momeents and painful ones that bring me back down to my knees. I had to make an effort to be brave. Some days I still do. COVID played such a role in my illness. I know this, but honestly it merely perpetuated what I had endured over the past seven years and has now brought me to here. To Here again. I know that this is a destination that I must travel and that is what gets me through to the next moment. And the next one after that. One step. One moment. One thought. At a time. and the next one after that.

Being sick was horrible. "I could not throw up one more time." Yet I did, over and over again. That was the most major reason for writing at all odds of the night; to keep myself from puking. I just can't do it anymore. Yet, I could not stop myself during that time. My weight went belove 120 pounds, 30 of which were warranted and necessary, after living the lifestyle that was created around me, bu thnow the rest just kept coming off, quickly.

What I came to discover was that I was living too much in my ego brain, that now that I was "free' everything is okay. I seer now that this was only making me more ill. And I worked my way through this, knowing that I had to get healthier. Perhaps being a heyoka empath I was, and I say WAS because I am not only willing to, but more so, cannot continue to do so... carrying the load anymore. What load you ask. First, the load of my ex-husband, and well, then, the load of the world. Quite literally, my heart has been in my stomach. Today, it is often still there, only slowly being released, one thought, one, moment at a time. Releasing Toxic Shame.