the Road to Happy-Ness/Day 33

Maturity ♡ wholeness & a healing ♡ so many messages, filled with love and with growth; a new dawn.

I have been acutely aware lately that I am being directed to look back and to give up what I wasn't even aware that I was clinging to; a dream. This dream. Don't get me wrong, it's not to give up what I do, as this is a part of who I am. I love what I do and know this deep within my existence that it provides the balance. What has also come to light of late is that the recognition in which I am seeking is not going to make its way back to me; not how I think anyhow. It's this idea that I was holding onto. The outcome. The gift in this awareness allows me to to move me forward toward a new light; a new dream♡ through a deep healing & with love within. This glides me onward, forward, not with the light by my side, but as the light within, guiding me along my intended path. The Journey has taken a new turn as a new awareness settles in♡ Beautiful. Breathe.

Memories♡ may be near today as I look back at the good times and thoughtful moments; bringing me to a place of much needed joy and celebration. Interesting, I see now that it is this awareness that allows for the full healing. I am able to see how I am better for the many experiences that led me to here. I am aware of each moment of pain or struggle, with eyes now opened wide, where before I saw with the narrowest of vision, I am now able to discover the intricate balance of how we are all connected; how we all exist within and assist one another in our separate journeys♡ together.

Through many of my readings of late, I have been constantly reminded of our Spiritual, Soulful Journey. And I look through those eyes knowing that if am able to see through those eyes, that I am able to better understand any situation and all experiences; to then let things or people go; to bless them, and to heal; to say 'Thanks!' for putting me back on track, for nudging me to see that I was lost, even when I didn't know it. Some of the most heartfelt and painful lessons, are the ones that were necessary for our greatest strides & growth. I am suddenly acutely aware of the Universal connections & how those many connections were brought forth, by me, for me, as a gift.

To see this I had to step outside the Ego and back into the Heart♡

Maturity~ "He can move in any direction~within and without, it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness & expansiveness ~ the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection." OSHO

The other night, after a conversation with a good friend, I had a wave of reflection of the past that kept me awake most of the night. Not so much with worry, but rather, of understanding and clarity. 

I have made some really bad choices in my past. I know this. I own this. But I don't live there; in fact, I had forgotten. I have worked very hard to put the past behind and walk on solid ground. Forgiveness is within each of us and key.  And with this, I prayed for forgiveness. And released. But the question in which I kept asking myself was whether or not we can ever truly leave the past where it belongs. The answer that remained in the end, was, 'Yes.' The way back from this was a sincere understanding and acceptance of both the unity and reflection of those experiences and the people that were involved. All has led me back to here. 

"The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between you not knowing that you are a buddha, and the moment you know that you are a buddha."

As I look backwards, as far as I am able to, and within each and every memory, I can see that I have always been there. At each moment, in each place, with a gift of that moment, of that space. Contentment. That everything that I need in this moment exists within.  It always has. 

the Movement forward is to recognize the Joy in each experience; to discover the playful, the laughter, the innocence; the opportunity to celebrate the happiness, 'like a butterfly that has emerged from its chrysalis into the promise of light.'  to then dance with delight; to see anew & fresh; with excitement. 

To live with the feeling that something wonderful is just on the horizon, because that's how it feels. To then, welcome it with open arms. 

the Road to Happy-Ness/Day 32

I have much to think about today. I am going to type out my message, think upon it and come back to it later. this, is a gift. and my allowance. my happiness.

Most of us, if not all of us, have goals. We learn that goals are 'the way' sometimes led to believe the only way. They are the destination, the reason for. If we don't set goals, then how can we attain them, right?  But what if each goal we set has never been attained? what does that mean? and where does it lead us to? can we still attain something? anything? and what about our thoughts? how can we 'make' things if we haven't 'thought' them? especially with all of our heart and soul? 

This is where I am going back to today, to find my happiness, my happy goal, my destination. My message, today, is to ponder this. Traveling. Traveling along the path, noticing the beautiful passages, landscapes and scenery that surrounds me. The message is that the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place; the journey itself is the goal. Somehow this message is taking me to a place of change and movement. Wouldn't that be nice because I am ready for change. 

The next part of the message is that it can be a physical movement, from one place to another, or an inner movement, from one way of being to another. And that whatever the case, there is a promise that the going will be easy and that it will bring both a sense of adventure and growth, but most importantly for me to know, right now, is that there is no need to struggle or plan too much. This brings with it a reminder for me to accept and embrace the new, AND, that it is within this attitude, of openness & acceptance that brings with it new friends & experiences into my life. Cool. 

Life is a continuum, always and always moving. The final destination, in this lifetime, is to move back into the space of spiritual wholeness, but our soul's journey is ever. The happiness is found in the pilgrimage, the movement, the dancing joyously, ever moving, without bothering about any destination, neither this lifetime nor the souls journey.

The question becomes, 'when you reach the destination, then what?' This  question pertains to life's journey, for when we reach the final destination, but within this journey, have lost everything, what will it have mattered?  All the hurry and all the worry has left you with no memories of achievement or happy moments.

So the goal? The goal is to just appreciate and love in each and every single moment, because, so what?

I spent time looking back last evening upon my whole life. I looked at where I achieved and where I have not achieved. I remember years ago when a friend said to me in regards to dreams coming true, "well, if you look back, can't you see where all of what you really truly wanted, came true?"

I cried. But no it hasn't. And still hasn't. That made sad at the time and I think of it often. It still does. I think now, somehow I allowed it to define me. And I forgot to stop and really see what is in front of me in each moment, and to find the happiness, the innocence, as I always had. 

So within this, I must choose to find my happiness, no matter. Not based on anyone else's achievements or version of it.  I have had much happiness within my life. I love to laugh. I love to smile. I love to bring happiness to those around me. I love to dream. I love to travel. I love to experience. and As I look back at this, I can see that when I allowed my own definitions, made me happiest.

Funny, I have never been jealous of any others who have achieved their dreams, goals and happiness. I have always found pleasure in this; something to look forward to and even base more future dreams upon.  If I had my way, everyone would be happy, for this truly is what I want most.  

Through this conversation within I learned that when we allow others to define us, based on their judgments & perspectives, both 'good' and 'bad,' then we often lose sight of who we are at our core. When we allow our own past experiences, especially the challenges, to define us, we allow them to grab hold of our destiny. Just BE you. always. ever.

So much to think about today. So much happiness to be found. To Be. Much love and happiness to all along their own personal journey. May your truth always shine brightly. 

Ohhhhh... I saw Saturn last night! So bright and beautiful.. it was truly a sight to behold. I tried to photograph it, but he just wouldn't have it. I suppose that it was meant to etch a memory in my mind. 

the Road to Happy-Ness/ Day 29

Beyond all that stuff♡ that does not matter. that really is not important. that tugs ever so gently upon your heart strings. but perhaps not. perhaps it pounds at the door ♡ awaiting to be recognized, held, answered... or just heard♡ that sits outside the edge of the ego♡ and inside the hands of happiness♡ is the truth. and the love♡

that. is what truly matters♡  On Judgement & Conditioning ♡ being bound by what we have been shown & taught rather than what the soul knows or what's in our hearts♡

Balance♡ There will always be people in your life who want to hold onto you or try to hold you back♡ there are those who it so does seem, that the cost of the friendship far outweighs the gain♡those that drive you to your edge, cross your boundaries, touch and inflame emotions♢ and those, of course, those who fail to see all you've done for them. And that is okay♡ Really♡ they are those who keep the Balance.

Understanding the Balance. the Journey. the Souls Destination. They are, in fact, here FOR YOU. To teach you. To re-direct you. To guide you to where you need to be♡ even if it's away from them.

I sit and try and make sense of it all. Sometimes I just cannot. Perhaps that's okay and it's not meant to make sense of... it's from this place today where I search for my Happiness.

What constitutes or makes up who we are? And how does this reflect on who we are supposed to be?  The 'image' of who we are, is just that, it comes not from our own direct experience, but rather from the opinions of others, rather imposed upon us. We act in a certain we, or react in a manner that we feel we should. 'Children are seen and not heard.' 'That dress makes her look dirty, cheep, fat, or sleek.'  'It's so cute when she does that.' If I look closely I can see how our personality, my personality, was imposed upon us from the outside in, replacing any individuality that should have grown within.

Yes this is extreme, but I think that this is the place where I meet the balance, where I discover my true identity.  To look into the mirror at my reflection and to break out of what all that I have been conditioned by others to believe about myself. Break-Free♡ Our personalities are shaped by our circumstances; our individuality was given to us at birth. Too often we have come to believe that safety comes in numbers, that team players are the best, that being in a crowd will feel cozy, warm, and secure, having the most friends makes us the best candidate. Perhaps this is okay for some, or even most... but I have always wanted to be my own person, not tied to any one thought, experience, circumstance or thing.

It's merely understanding this, acknowledging this, that is to be the rebel. often meaning that we are difficult to get along with.

I had a crazy dream again last night. To tell it will not do it justice, but it had to do with a nest of baby birds that was suspended in the air. I ran to grab my camera to catch the incredible sight and when I arrived back there was an eagle wanting to get to the young in the nest. I shewed the eagle away, all the while capturing the photography of the entire event. It was quite awe-inspiring. Others gathered around to see the nest, but few caught a glimpse of the eagle. I fell quickly back into a deep sleep after this dream and when I awoke I was thinking about judgment; placing judgment on others and its effects. Others placing judgement upon me and its effects.  I couldn't get it out of my mind, so I set down to try and write what I was experiencing. Here is some of it...

On Judgement~the person telling the story, is telling THEIR story. The person listening to the story, is listening to what THEY want to hear... both in relation to their own personal experiences and circumstances. neither better nor more right nor wrong than the other.

There are some who will listen, without judgement and leave the story where they heard it, understanding that what makes the story truth, doesn't really exist, at least not in the way we think. There are always many sides to any experience; no 2 people ever experience the same experience the exact same, ever. And then there are those who seem to get pleasure, gain, or reward for jumping on the back of those telling the story, and even making the story their own, often expanding on it & then making it suit their needs or agenda.  I rarely understand this, but I have been discovering more and more awareness and clarity from it each day, trying to do better, be better; to make better choices♡ That I can do on my part. It is a forever lesson, it does seem for me. And so, how does this tie in with my happiness, you might ask.  The answer is within the awareness... and the conditioning. The will to belong, to be a part of the group. Any group, it so seems in this day and age, as long as we belong somewhere... balanced with my own deep, personal, individuality. 

It's to know this each time that I make a decision that is based in someone else's experience, to perhaps make me part of the 'group,' but to see what have I lost or given up. To recognize that this is outside of my  individuality.  When we choose to learn from an experience, even when what we choose goes against what we know, creates an atmosphere of sadness within me, because then I am different, and cast outside the shadows. It often sets me apart with a sense loneliness. 

Because it's untrue. I know this deep within my heart.  Sometimes we have to risk to gain.  I looked back at what I have learned in this regard... it took me back to the lessons of my childhood...

~Awhile back while I was with the young man I work with, I acknowledged a woman along our way. He told me, quite confidently that she was not a good person, she wasn't trustworthy and mean. I asked him how he knew this. 'Because a friend of mine that she worked with told me stories about her!" "Oh, I responded, and tell me about this friend of yours, what is he like?" "Well, he said, he's kinda a troublemaker."

I then asked him what this woman had done to him personally, to which he responded that she had always been very nice to him. There was a moment of silence. He then said, "I guess maybe she's not so bad and I should give her a chance." They have become friends, but he did have to risk, to weigh the costs and find the balance. The true balance is in the heart.  

~A couple of months ago, I spend the weekend with a childhood friend. We reminisced about meeting in elementary school. She became very emotional and I wasn't sure why. Then she told me something that I had forgotten, perhaps wasn't even aware of "I was sitting in the front of the class, alone, mostly because I was poor. Nobody wanted to be my friend. You walked up to me, sat down and said, 'I'll be your friend.'" I knew no risk, at the time, I just knew that it was wrong to make such a judgment upon another, to cast anyone out. To bring pain or sadness to another just did not feel good. in my heart. how does this get lost? Where does it go? When? 

More.... 

I, in return, had a friend come to my defense in high school. I will forever be grateful to this person. My friend responded to their statement by asking, "Do you even know her, because if you did, then you would know that wasn't true!" Funny, as I think back along this road, I can recall the many who have done for me similar on my behalf. Makes me smile.

Now, I'm not perfect and have not always made the best or even good decisions, but with each choice forward, I am more and more committed to making an effort and to do so Consciously, without pre-Judgement and free from the chains that bind me through conditioning. Knowing that each step forward that choices from the heart lead us to our destiny. and happiness. no matter what that is.

Wishing you all a beautiful, joyful, thoughtful day♡ much love.