Base Truth & I Let Go

I had the craziest day yesterday. A day filled with surprises and craziness. So today... I let go. I now allow and rely only on the love of God to take me to where I most need to be. Here. Right here in this moment.

When I let go and allow for the greatest awareness in true faith that what is necessary for me, along my journey, this will indeed transpire. I will be movitvated, or rather compelled, in that direction, forward, because I can. I am God. a teenie ray of the light. As are you and everyone on this planet... Good or Bad, Happy or Sad. I choose ME. i am tired of acting or pretending, I choose LIFE. I have been sending out resumes and looking out for work, yet I am leaving it up to my highest good to bring back to me... what I deserve, what I am workthy of. That is what will appear. This I most need to remember. There is a secret to life and I am not sure if I have found it. "Keep writing," they say, as though I am possessed. Trust is imperative... and a sense of humour.. and integrity. I had 3 surgeries and each time I asked God to take me if I am not surving my purpose or it has been completed. At the time, I was so sick. I accepted it, but it was so difficult. There were good days and there were bad days, as there always are, heck there are great momeents and painful ones that bring me back down to my knees. I had to make an effort to be brave. Some days I still do. COVID played such a role in my illness. I know this, but honestly it merely perpetuated what I had endured over the past seven years and has now brought me to here. To Here again. I know that this is a destination that I must travel and that is what gets me through to the next moment. And the next one after that. One step. One moment. One thought. At a time. and the next one after that.

Being sick was horrible. "I could not throw up one more time." Yet I did, over and over again. That was the most major reason for writing at all odds of the night; to keep myself from puking. I just can't do it anymore. Yet, I could not stop myself during that time. My weight went belove 120 pounds, 30 of which were warranted and necessary, after living the lifestyle that was created around me, bu thnow the rest just kept coming off, quickly.

What I came to discover was that I was living too much in my ego brain, that now that I was "free' everything is okay. I seer now that this was only making me more ill. And I worked my way through this, knowing that I had to get healthier. Perhaps being a heyoka empath I was, and I say WAS because I am not only willing to, but more so, cannot continue to do so... carrying the load anymore. What load you ask. First, the load of my ex-husband, and well, then, the load of the world. Quite literally, my heart has been in my stomach. Today, it is often still there, only slowly being released, one thought, one, moment at a time. Releasing Toxic Shame.

I AM

Good Morning... A happy and healthy day to all today. Here I am. The Block seems to be lifting. Every time I think about a person, any person, all that I am able to see is the role that each and every one, in my life has brought me, to this space, has served to bring me clarity. I honestly believe that I can see how this does serve me. an AWARENESS. I am WORTHY OF and DESERVING. Holy Mary Magdeline.

We are each brought in to one anothers community, life, family, to teach or to learn lessons. Yes we know that. Yes, I know this. What I am not certain that I totally understand, is that often some people merely come into our lives to reach us or us them and then they are on their way... forward with the hope that they are a better person for the interaction. I believe that this might be were I go off. I tend to get comfortable really quickly, and with that, you are a friend for life. This is not what its always like or about. Just the lesson at hand. I recall that when I first moved out on my own, I met a gentleman/handiman. He was so amazing at helping me fix a few issues and we became friends. Just friends, no benefits; we learned to talk to one another and I learned 2 things. One... that men can be 'nice' and generous, and that we could be friends and let go when necessary. I am finding that this conversation is a bit off-setting and I am not sure why. I will choose a few defining cards to see if I can make heads or tails of it. Well, this was interesting. In a general context, the Seven of Pentacles indicates that you have been working very hard and it will soon start to pay off. Okay, so they are still in my life to teach me something. Perhaps when we first met, life was progressing in a manner in which I was unaware. I was to work diligently through my healing and I feel that he was to teach me how to be content, in those moments. To learn and grow, to see that everything is coming to fruition; that my hard work would soon be paying off; the manifestation of ideas or goals, I would say especially. And like the true Scorp I am, the questions and dedication was there to pay off.

Now, it seems as though there is trouble in the mix. Or perhaps this is the middle, as it is the way in which the relationship developed. Challenges. The Seven of Wands tells me that there have been many challenges and more to come. The choice, then, is mind, to make my mind up if I choose to want the relationship to go the distance in which it is going, and if so, I may have to fight for the friendship. This challenge may come from inside the relationship in the form of you or your partner trying to blame each other for issues. This Minor Arcana card can also indicate that the relationship is under attack from third parties and that I may need to protect and defend it; by maintaining control, holding my own and determation. It's up to me to define; not others. The final card is the 2 of wands... by far one of my most favourite cards almost as much as the three of wands. The wands to often remind me to stay calm, collect, and mindful... with eyes out to the world. The early wands of contemplation, with the higher wands, the actions. What is out there? How much more is there to see. This is a reminder of my own hopes, dreams, anad adventures. The Two of Wands symbolizes future planning, progress, decisions, and discovery; it signifies possessing a vision and the ability to foresee future possibilities. So, to speak, I stand at a crossroads, evaluating my long-term plans. The card emphasizes my need to explore and expand; to learn about my own personal power and boldness to put the plan into action. In this moment, I feel good; in my progress. I come to new terms when necessary and try and keep level headed and mindful. In my mind, the ego mind, I listened. I have always believed that I had to choose, when the truth is, that I only have to trust. I had been, up until this moment, in my own way. Who knew? Well, as I would say, "The Big Guns" my Guides and God, the Divine Spirit of all that is in existence and brought into existence. I have now chosen to allow my grip to loosen on the the reigns and I trust; my faith has been restored and my place on this stage of my own life, is up front and centre. I am beautiful. In my own way. The beauty that comes from within. I have released all of the past trauma, guilt, shame, blame, etc. I am wiser for this. Wise, beyond any scope of imagination that I could ever surccum to. Most of all, what I know, is that most of all, I am LoVed. I am love. As are WE ALL. The whole huge world is a stafe and I needed this journey, as a sould level, to finally get it. To fully understand my own journey of awakening.

I will leave this to here and see what today takes me. Love and Blessings to all along your journey. Love and Light #LovingYourBestLife. Lori-Lynn

Elizabeth

 While I was going through my physical illness, I had many 'downloads' that I both wrote out, but more so, I put onto my voice recorder, which I can no longer find. One day. 

Always believe in the Power of Your Own Strength

In the meantime, here are a few of my notes, to help me to understand myself a little (or a lot) better.

2025 Vision Board

"I do believe that we come with a plan, and perhaps a schedule of events... but really, then why. The answer to that is Free Will. What that means is that out soul know, yet due to events of our childhood, and throughout our life, fear, shame, guilt, etc. may get in the way of accomplishing what we came here to learn. I used to think that if we did not accomplish what we most  needed to learn, we would have to come back and do it all over again. 

The Soul's Journey is more than this simplicity. When we go back into our soul state, we do a review to understand. We can then make a decision, in the next lifetime, or the one after that, etc, we can come back with a similar intention, perhaps more difficult or easier to accomplish. 

And what if we surpass this? Our own expectations of our Journey in this lifetime. Perhaps, then, this is another challenge... to surpass; to bring awareness to this opportunity. 

Which brings me to 'child  prodigy's'  I fully believe that they have mastered in another lifetime so to continue along that same journey with different awarenesses and lessons. 

The COVID outbreak, at my work, of which I was not infected, however, we continually had to re-adjust between working at home, on the streets, or at the office. AND my laptop was in the process of dying a very slow death. I was able to pick up a new one, and alas, I am back to stability! 

This year was a total year on physical healing for me. Saying that, the physical was due to a collage of emotional and mental challenges. So with that, I was healing Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and SPiritually.

How's that for the beginning of a journey, not so long ago. I suppose,  now, I am writing this all to see how far I have traveled and how much I have learned. 

What I want most, is to get back in the saddle and reposition myself as a front runner in what I am most passionate about. Something is letting me know that I am not quite ready. Gratefully and Graciously, I am here. 

Power only comes from Within...
Connected to that of All that is. 
Our Core. 

I almost died. A couple of times. and not at all on purpose. I was sick physically and it was COVID, so life was different for many, or  most, at this time. Doctor visits were over the phone. Very few saw how tiny had become. Alas, though, God would not allow me to die. I distinctly remember, while in this state, Gods hand reaching for me, picking me up and throwing me back... with the words, "You have not yet completed your agenda, the reasons that you came back to the place you call school. Ha! in real school, I didn't always do so well either! (that's a poke at myself!) What I discovered is that I was on the precipice of a HUGE Spiritual Awakening, I suppose one would call it. 

Base truth. I have struggle for so long believing that I was not worthly of, or derserving of, well, in the the end. LoVe. Afterall, there is only love. I am. 

For today... this is my peace. My space of peace I suppose. 

in LoVe and in LiGht, Lori-Lynn