the Road to Happy-Ness/ Day 26

And so I discovered that by not compromising in what is most important to me, at my core values... brought me much peace & happiness. This is good. Such a wonderful lesson.  The important step was to know what I truly value, and to discover and learn what may be compromising my integrity, in any given opportunity presented. 

The other side to this, is that when I do make a decision or choice, to hold true to it, within♡ so very important; hold true to it with every breath that I take, in a space that is loving, kind, and healing. I can see now why the experience kept showing itself to me; so that I would finally understand the very important lesson.  

And where am I today♡ well, just here. And what is my word for today♡ well, just this. Totality. An understanding that the sum total is made up of all parts... the good, the bad, and the ugly; all experiences, choices, and decisions. AND that we are all united in assisting one another along our own personal soul's journey.  For some reason, today, this just made sense. I see where I had been beating myself up over the consequences of my actions, for which I am accountable to and for, but if I can look at the big picture, the Soul's Journey, I can see the commitment of another (or others) to my lessons. This is quite a powerful place to land; softly and gently♡  

We are the world♡ I am the world♡ Meaning, we are all each others keepers. Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me♡ If we can sit, in peace with this, than this is one of the most beautiful awareness, one that has the ability to propel us gently into back into our self. Totally. We are all a part of the whole, no one more important, or less important. It is with this quality of Totality Awareness that will carry me through the day, with happiness, of course♡ 

As I was driving today I had a moment of awareness~ 'it works both ways.' And I began to see the clarity in this statement.  I was a quite surprised that I had never understood this.  It works both ways.  I, yes, me, may have agreed that in this lifetime, if someone with whom I had made a soul commitment with in regards to their growth, if and when we met, that I would just know this (a familiar stranger) upon meeting. I would un-consciously, but yet sub-consciously, know that the chain of events that brought us together would be necessary to their spiritual growth. Meaning that if someone is upset or angry with you, own what is yours. If you hurt them in any matter, absolutely do be accountable, but then know that the rest is up to them.  

Each moment, the world is getting faster and faster, and even faster than that, and all is happening too quickly for many. The truth, I see now, is that my journey must come back to the task at hand. Multi-tasking is, well, simply, ridiculous. I am here and here is where I will be. Right now, for me, it's understanding the many lessons before me; my role in the lives of many, and their role in my spiritual journey. 

If we looked upon each moment in our lives, as the BEST moment of our life, EVEN when we are mindlessly working through a less than enjoyable task, and make the choice, right here and now, that this is the place that is most necessary for my journey, to be, then we will allow ourselves to honor that moment, with Celebration and Gratitude, that it is, in reality, teaching us something♡ no matter how much pain, sadness or confusion I may be feeling. It's not just about the good stuff, but it can bring perspective and happiness where it may have been thought lost.  

Developing the awareness of being 'ToTal' in response to each and every moment, each and every experience, alone & with another, to whatever is set in front of me to learn & discover, is a gift♡

Another Gift. to me. to the experience. to the players in the experience.  Allowing for a wondrous new vitality & creativity in all that I do. I am that I am. I think therefore I am. 

Within each and every moment, is the potential to be whole and complete. Within each relationship, is the potential to be whole and complete. So, today, my happiness lay in the moment; the presence of the moment. the presence of another. and the presence of self.  The understanding that where I am, is where I need to be, no matter where that is♡ always a teaching, learning, sharing, and experiencing.

Life is important, every moment of it, which is why we each chose to come here; to experience it. I think, in this moment that this is the answer to my 'hopes and dreams.'  I am pretty sure that I have mentioned this before, but apparently, there continued to be some learning to be done. I believe, right now, in this moment, that this lesson, is to be CONSCIOUSLY AWARE, in every moment, in every experience, challenge, and situation, with every person, and alone.

There's a time for every purpose under Heaven.  there is a season. (the Book of Ecclesiates)  To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 

Within each moment, is an experience.. today the joy & the happiness comes to me in celebrating every moment right where it is. 

My Road to Happy-Ness/ Day 25

Ahhhhhh♡ Compromise. Breatheeeee... The very moment that I received my word of the day, that which will bring me happiness throughout my journey today, I thought.. no, there can be no compromise.  I glanced back to what I have been experiencing at work and my perspective changed.  I see the message and understand its dutiful purpose. 

Half techniques, doings, compromises most often add to the confusion, for they sit inside the ego. Unless we can fully commit to the compromise, we are leaving something very important behind.  So, today, I must choose to understand the why behind choosing a compromise.

And I begin to see... it's not about having to compromise... it's seeing from a perspective that compromise may not be the solution at all!  I keep hearing, 'be yourself, whole & complete. Give all of you.'  Compromise has the ability to become less than. 

If I am trying to be someone else, someone that I am not, then I am not being me; I am compromising my truth. It's one thing to meet a situation, experience, or another, half way, to listen to different viewpoints, to understand, to gain new awareness & perspective; to work towards a harmony of opposing forces; this is all good; it can lead us to a better understanding & insight. 

I have to know what I may be willing to give up or sacrifice; fully aware that I am not willing to give up my core values, beliefs, or my integrity.  As I look back, I can see that the times that I have compromised my core values have always led to a place of discontent. and unhappiness. a struggle within. Therein lies the gift.

We live in a society that is so willing to compromise on what we believe deep within and the cost has been huge. It has the ability to drag us down, to hide our core, and take you to a place that you never wanted to be. I see now that to give up my own sense of truth is a denial of all that I have learned.  Looking further into experiences, I can see this. That what I most wanted was approval, to be liked, by everyone, even when that 'everyone' stood against all that I believed or valued. 

The goal of real compromise is not to accept standards that are lower than what is desirable or what we believe.  Not at all.  As I look back, I can see that where I was believing that I was compromising, I was, in fact, giving up; that which means the most to me.

So today, I will find a quiet place. I will sit in a space of acceptance, even if that space is one of confusion, sadness, contemplation. I will sit in this space, merely allowing and the answer will show itself. What are the compromises and what are the cores. 

So today, happiness lies in my truth, my journey, my awareness♡ for this is where the love lay.  I compromised on the photo... it really doesn't portray was i writing about... but it does make me happy! There, compromise does bring me happiness today♡

My Road to Happy-Ness/ Day 24

I've been told that I am too intense. From that place, I learned that it was very bad to be intense. I was also told that being happy means that my life is perfect. You are too nice. You get too angry. Don't be sad. You are passionate. You are too smart. You can't act like that. Do you know who they are!  Wear this. You can't wear that.  You say weird things. You are too smart. You are stupid. You are fat. You need to do this. Or that.  All of this brings forth a confusion.

Puppets. 

The truth is that sometimes I made people uncomfortable. Up until this moment in time, I have learned to scan the room for the reactions of others and to retreat when it happens; when I saw it. I began to look around for the reactions of those around me or in the room, wondering what they would think, see, or how they felt about my words or actions, and I would back away, quietly into the background, unseen and not heard, into my head. Mostly, though, I learned to not trust myself and what I knew. I see now that I became conflicted and confused.  

I have learned to be very Mindful, when mindfulness wasn't a 'cool' action, because the feelings of not being supported for who I was, were really lonely. Being alone meant that we are not popular, cool, or supported, so it was definitely not a good place to be. We all want to belong; to be a part of; to not miss out.

I look back and I see that this is learned at a very young age when we are sent to our rooms, to be alone when we have misbehaved. This then becomes the inner retreat of our shame; the ego; the loneliness inside the head that allows for a feeling of isolation and bitterness to creep in. I believe that the intention is correct and there, but that message was not conveyed as it should have.  Always when I came back to the surface, I had learned nothing at all, except to how to shut down and retreat when I acted or responded outside of the norm. 

I am all of those things. I am none of those things... and there is a difference in 'feeling alone' and 'Being Alone'. 

My happiness and realization came forth strong today. That I AM that strong and that I am okay, and I understand that the need for approval of family, friends, colleagues, even strangers, is a human conditioning. I have never been a sheep, I know this, always knew it.. but I recognize that to not be the sheep can sometimes feel lonely... and so with this the cycle continued. To seek the Balance is to discover the Happy~Ness.   

Strength in Self; a sense of self and purpose. A sense that I am now ready to become who I was meant to be; who I am at my core. To take responsibility for accepting what was not mine; in this writing, another's un~comfortableness. To be mindful in what I speak and for my actions; but to not hold back because I might have stirred some feelings in someone else. That is for them to pursue and discover; their own aloneness.  

To be alone is not the absence of another, but rather in the presence of oneself. Being alone and taking pleasure in the silence, the growth, the feelings, the recognizance, and the beauty.  'To glow from the light that emanates within. To 'Be a light unto myself.'

Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness and back up into the light. 

There was once a time when I used to dream big. I will spend my time today asking myself what happened to all those dreams. To encourage them back to me, to open each box and to dream again. Happiness. Life happens, yes, and that is a part of the journey. To see this; to experience it through the Aloneness; the Stillness.  To catch the glimpses of the part of me, still there, who didn’t give up on those dreams.

It's never too late. & who is it that is telling me that it is too late. Only I can accept that. It's never to late to create; to transmute dreams into a reality. Time to experience. To tap into the power of my true self, my subconscious mind and unlock the unlimited potential within. Happiness. ahhh... that's where it is... 

My Road to Happy-Ness/ Day 23

So in my thoughts yesterday I had a moment of awareness, one in which I am trying to better understand, and more so understand its relation to my own Happiness.

I have always been a dreamer; I've taken to my many thoughts and fantasies♡ not only as a means of escapism, but rather, this IS me, who I am, what's inside of me; my dreams waiting to be discovered; to be released.  As I thought more and more about it, I realized that this, for me, is where I most need to find the balance in my life♡ along my road of Happiness♡

'Fake it till you make it!' is all good, but at some point you just gotta put those dress pants on and BE it. Somehow, I pondered, it all ties in with the Ego and I am just not entirely sure how.  Yet.

Yes, I certainly do believe that I, myself, do deserve all that I know that is waiting inside of me, all of who I am, to explode out into the world and be accepted and understood! ha! But somehow, I know that the tie also sits within the circle of achievement within my life itself.  It was many steps taken to walk outside of the fear; in the end to know and understand that it was the fear that was holding me back. And to find that happiness, right here.

Let's see... to want, but yet to live in the present moment. Perhaps it is in the moments of awakening and before bed that we are put out our requests and messages, our energies, to the Universe, to then awaken and live in the essence of the day before us. I am not entirely sure, but what I do know is that I love to dream, I always have. So, there is something there. And yes, I always believed that all of my dreams would come true, I just did. 

But then they didn't and I became confused. Because I began this journey of happiness with the challenge of living my life in the moment, recognizing that I had always been a dreamer, I have released the dreams and the wants in exchange for what is. It has certainly helped me out of the place that I was living, but as I realized yesterday, took me to a new place of unfamiliarity. What's the balance. To not dream feels a bit like a robot. To dream always felt good. To not achieve becomes a real sadness within. To DREAm♡ the impossible dream... is to be alive within♡

So today, I'll time to take a real look at my reflection; to break out of what others may have thought or believed about me. What I have allowed myself, to believe about myself. Only I can do that. So much of our society is conditioned to believe what the masses want us to believe, but the reality is that really is only for themselves; within us all; in our hearts & souls

But power and money. More. and. Want.  And so much of it isn't true at all, but more feeds the want. 

And this struggle of late is much like this, trying to fully understand and embrace my uniqueness, outside of the manipulation; within the heart & soul of integrity. For that is where my truth lay. And my truth can and WILL be ever changing, it has to. It changes as we learn and grown. 

To discover that the real education is within self; within each and every experience, with every

person that you meet, at every place that you enter, with each hug, kiss, and all of the messy also. Discover that this is where the happiness is also; within self. Go ahead dream what you want to dream, be who you always need to be, and live who you ARE, as you step into the fullness, the brightness of who you are.

So today, to move forward, to Dance, Run, Smile, Sing, whatever is necessary to awaken the sleeping lion within me; to DREAm, again, the possible dream. To live INSIDE the happiness.  And to do it My way.