What do you do when you don't want to live anymore?

It's 9:17am and so much has happened so far today.

What do you do when you don't want to live anymore and don't know how not to?

My day began with this question. I felt, somehow that I had to express it.

 

How not to, is because of the pain it would cause people that love me, most of all my mom who has done everything & more, financially, motivationally & spiritually, to support & encourage me to take yet another step, all the while being my greatest fan.

This is the toughest question that I could ever ponder. But I went there. As I look back, I realize that I had to. For Love. 

My mom is 78 years old and is THE MOST generous woman alive. She would not only give you the shirt off her back, but would buy extra one & give you that one as well, just so you had a spare. And then go without one herself.  She has done so, always with kindness in her heart & with sincere and honest non-judgment. 

My question turned sideways. How can you ever repay someone for this gift?  Upon saying this out loud, I realized, in that moment, that my answer is, 'with my life'. By not hurting her that deeply. I have seen and felt the pain that surrounds loved ones. It is often unbareable, often because the questions remain, 'Why?' and 'What didn't I do?' Which brings me to faith. Because the people that matter most in this world, are the people that have compassion and live by love.

I am a counselor. A very good one at that. How can that be? you might ask, as I ponder these questions? My answer is because I always believe that there is Hope. Hope with Trust is Faith. 

I have received many messages this week from clients expressing gratitude to me. Yesterday, I received a card in the mail, with this message,

"You have helped me more profoundly in such a short time than anyone has ever. I am truly and deeply grateful for all your gifts, time, and wisdom that you have so graciously shared with me. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all that you have done."

I help because I don't want anyone to feel such pain. And to know that they are not alone, that there are answers, that there is hope, and that the answers are waiting to be found within. I do so knowing that compassion, kindness and generosity of spirit are a choice and don't cost a thing. And that the Gain is Priceless.

But I also know that not everyone wants to be helped. You can truly only help those who want to make the leap, to realize and see their power. This is where the 'Loving Allowance of all to be, in their own place and time,' is realized and so important.

In the past 2 1/2 years, every choice, decision, has pushed our life further down the rabbit hole. For me, I made a giant leap, finally after 50 years, to enter into a journey to love myself and to follow my heart. I did so with the faith that once I did so everything would finally fall into place.

Instead, what has transpired, is that it has left me empty, not only financially, but often mentally, with what seemed like nothing. Oh but it.... it is all for a Lesson. and then I pulled a card today and wrote this, 

"The Golden Palace♡ With Love in Our Hearts♡ Fortune Friday♡Your richness Awaits♡
This card was chosen today to symbolize Good Fortune, Ambitions Fulfilled, Wealth and Prosperity~
the Infinite Source that surrounds and flows through us♡ 'There is always enough.' 'Things' come and go. the Golden Palace brings hope and reminds us of Faith, with that comes gain. We are being reminded that Peace comes from remembering that only Love is real. Happiness, Self-Worth, Abundance, are not measured by what you have, but rather what you ARE, who you ARE. Knowing this and living it Authentically and Fearlessly! Breathe in Spirit and surround yourself with Love; Radiate Love; Love Yourself. Know that Your True Value leads to even greater riches♡ Wishing you love, prosperity, abundance, and much joy today♡hUgs♡♡♡"

There are times that I have felt so scared. To be honest, prior to this Journey, I have never been scared. I have always lived with the belief that there is always hope and a solution. This continual trying & failing, getting back up has, at times been exhausting.

And then it's bright and sunny; the Hope, Trust and Faith is restored.

Part 2 of my Today Adventure. 

I talked with a friend late last evening. She just found out that her

boyfriend has a rare type of cancer that may not be treatable.

She waited many years before finding her true love. Somewhere, somehow there is gift, somewhere, a lesson.  There has to be. So often Life just doesn't make sense. This is why I journal. To find the sense. Oh the wondrous mind.

And As I began to write this, I came to realize that this is the 3rd friend that is battling this, all while finding their true love after many years and all closely related to me. Just a month ago, a childhood friend lost her soul mate and husband, suddenly and without warning. This profoundly impacted me.
Again, the thoughts that run through my head. Just because you love something or someone, even with all your heart, doesn't mean that you get to keep it/them forever. In the human form anyhow. It doesn't mean that it is going to stay with you, here, forever. So live life to its fullest, follow your dreams, love deeply, laugh loudly and soulfully, be true to who you are.

Take with you and keep your greatest experiences and memories of that part of your journey and know that there is always much more to come, even if it seems as if there is nothing.

I have received several messages from this particular gentleman. The main message, was that she CAN do it, she can go on and that he will always be by her side. Spirit is stronger than flesh. I had the urge to write a poem at the top of the week, just a culmination of many feelings.

TRuTH
I will soon be gone and not to be found. In Spirit perhaps, no longer Earth bound♡
Not a whisper, nor shout, of my voice will be heard. My presence shall be witnessed on the wings of a bird♡
GRaCE 
Never be saddened, with grief, nor with sorrow. For the the sun and the sky will be with you tomorrow♡
With grace and with love, on the wings of a dove. I will rise to the heavens to watch from above♡
CELBRaTE
What memories of me, with you, will you carry. Of life and of love, laughter and merry.
I will ever shine brightly, a radiant light. To walk and to guide, our love binds us tight.♡

Within it, within the circumstances that surround me, there is a dramatic lesson. I do know that it is better to have loved and parted through to Spirit than to have never found one another in this lifetime. LoVe is Eternal and there IS only LoVe... and with that I received another card with a message of similar fate,

"The Nine of Wands symbolizes the battles with the 'outer world.' It refers to the final stage, just before the battle is won. It speaks of summoning your last resources to keep fighting; the last hurdle before you finally reach calm waters. 

Often, it seems that all problems, at this time, seem to multiply. Then this surge of anger or frustration can be used to fight the problem at hand and Inspire. To finally get a clear view of the problem, which brings light to the solution."

♡The Golden Palace Awaits ♡ Don't Ever think that you Can't♡Cause you CAN♡

hUgs~ helping U grow spiritually, with love, peace and joyfully♡