I have long been a dreamer. Wonderful dreams, interpretive dreams, frightening dreams, lights-out dreams, enlightening dreams, silly, crazy, mixed up flying, diving, swimming, floating, falling, running, laughing, crying, searching. If there is one thing that has been consistently with me throughout my whole life, it is my dreams. I have asleep dreams, awake dreams, dosing off dreams (lucid) and dreams that fortell events.
It does not matter to me who knows this nor understands it. It's just a fact. My truth. I have had friends who would phone me first thing in the morning, to hear what I had learned in the night. Crazier yet, friends who would phone me in the middle of the night to seek advice while I was in this state. Honest. When people complain about not sleeping at night, I just think, really? I don't beleive that I have slept a whole night in my whole life, even as a child. And when I do sleep, my sub-conscious is so active, there is really not alot of rest happening. I'd say that I "didn't ask for this," but in all honesty, and given my beliefs, I suppose that I did ask for this, exactly.
For many years I talked into tape recorders, wrote on scrapes of paper, wrote in journals, read dream books, journals, thoughts and idea, and, of course, did my best to analyzed these many dreams. What bothers me the most, are the ones that got away. The ones that I can quite put my finger on, the ones with the pieces missing. When I have the lucid dreams about a missing subject or of a brutal nature, these are the most disturbing. You don't really want to remember this stuff. But they do jolt me right up. I have long wished that there was some device that could be connected to my brain that would record what i was seeing, hearing, feeling and then just let me sleep.
Because I really am not sure what to do with any of this, if anything, I no longer write down details of the events in my head. Or didn't until I began this blog. One of the things that I am hoping, is that this blog will allow me an outlet for much of what it in my head, even though I am not always sure where it comes from, other than it comes from a place within. What I do do, is that I accept it. There is an understanding, a calmness about it. I know that when I am ready to accept my responsibility in this regard, the universe will open up to me and provide.
