Yet Again, it has been such a long time. I have been journeying and it has been entertaining... rarely a dull moment, but that is because I realized, or finally accept that I AM worthy of the journey, the motions, the lessons, the victories, pleasures and greatest of all, the laughter, love, smiles, and hugs.
With each step that I take, with each breath that I take, I stop to take the time to Reflect. I am open to Possibility. I am open to Surrender. I am open to BE. A major step in this is to Create the Space and sit with it... mentally, emotionally being in that space. Crystal Clear, Response, Reflective, Space... used in the creation of the gifts that I am now able to be more RECEPTIVE of... whatever the Universe offers. (Which, in turn, reflect my thoughts and words, and carried out into the Universe as Intentions Set).
But here lies the catch; the one that it has taken me so very long to get to. In order to be open AND to be receptive, one has to love oneself; without condition... well, perhaps three conditions.
Honesty. Trust. Faith. <3 <3 <3
"I am Receptive. I am open to new ideas. I am willing to try different methods, and I consider alternate viewpoints. I WELCOME, am open to, and RECEPTIVE of, intellectual stimulation. I am RECEPTIVE.
Beautiful.
In order to achieve new results, different results, one cannot merely do the same repetitive, robotic thing; but rather, one must teach oneself to take the time to reflect, and to do so from a place of trust. Now, I have talked over and over again about trust , and of honesty for that matter, and have now learned solidified the wisdom:
Life = Experiences + Knowledge + Doing + Being = Growth of the Soul
Lessons are most difficult because we so often fight against them, or fight for them. This past weekend, instead, I learned to lean into the lesson, hold the pain, or discomfort; place a hand over the area in which I feel the anxiety and sit with it; get up close and personal to feel and nurture it. Learn from it.
If I back up a moment, it has to be said that allowing myself to BE, and in a quiet space, was not a 'thing' that I learned growing up. Being busy was; the busier the better. I now understand that by being busy, it stopped the process of reflection on whatever had transpired.
The 2nd card that I pulled this morning drilled this Intention to the Ready... SET... mode... which, upon reflection, I will be able to GO. Stronger, wiser, more ready, open, and receptive, and reflective.
Part of this goes back to not feeling as though I belonged or was wanted; or that I mattered. I so often huddled, or withdrew. When we are continually told that we aren't big or small enough, too old and not good enough, smart enough, or not wanted at all for that matter, and unworthy... some messages spoken, others through behaviour, unless someone tells us or shows up differently, we believe it. Believe... to Be-Lived. We show up the same way, until we learn that it is up to OURSELVES to re-write the messages. If we waited for 'them' we could possibly wait forever. We have to make the choice to show up for OUR SELF because we MATTER. I matter.
This is because it truly is not their responsibility... even when we think that it is. Be-live that it is. When we learn better, we know better, and we do better. A book that I read long ago, says to me that I began this journey long, long ago. "What you think about me is none of my business." So many instances, my prof from school and I would so often discuss. Me rarely budging... Until I learned. As I learned, I also learned to respond and think on an individual basis. Me. With that, I affirm....
"This is a good time to STOP and celebrate my evolution as a person.
It's the perfect time to appreciate my achievements."
It's easy to overlook that at one point in my life, I thought that I knew what I wanted,
where I was going, and who I would be going with...
until I realized that my thoughts were being hi-jacked.
Knowledge is everything.
If and when we set our Intention to learn and to self-actualize, then that becomes the goal, the Receptivity. I have reached a place where I can look back and appreciate my journey. I can be grateful for my experiences; good, bad, beautiful, and super ugly; all challenges, all opportunities, all energy, set into motion, must be learrned to be receptive of my new reflection. I can be and AM excited about my future.
No regrets. No guilt, shame, or blame. Accountibility. To change and to response, but not to "self-doubt." A-ha... now enters a new awareness. The word Self-Doubt. I would say that it is interpreted to mean that one doubts one's own self. Of course that makes sense; but that lends a rather blame or shame tone to the message or intention.
Truth be told is that our doubts are intruders, they are words, phrases, responses, messages, direct, and/or indirect; physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional. They are not ours to own.
YET, we do. We allow ourselves to keep going along the same pathway, until one day, we wake up, hold space, and reflect, 'Hey, wait a moment, I am not certain that this is true. I have to weigh out how that sits within me.' I, yes, me, with a BiG HUgE I, I am the ones that gets to decide; to choose.
I get to reflect and either makes changes, take chances, set intentions, reflect on choice... every single moment of MY journey, I hold my own space. I am receptive to recognition of myself as an intelligent, gifted, amazing woman.
There. I said it.
and even with a smile. Then I wonder if I would be able to do so as I peered into a mirror. Mirror work goes through stages, such as life. The thing about life is that we forget that there is a measuring stick; guidelines, self-monitoring... and this is great. The self-doubt. that is not. It's not yours anyhow. It's those who first sent the messages, as an infant, or the fear, stress, or worry that have continuously accepted as our own 'self' issues, but have now come to realize the exact opposite! Those are not mine. So many of the phrases and messages that my psychology instructors tried so dilligently to afford me with an renewed understanding... I now get. I am certain that my one instructor, up there in the spirit world, is beaming down upon me. He is saying, finally, dear child. Finally.
and Fruitfully. Why fruitfully? Because it's these messages that we need to re-direct in our brain. That's neuroplasticity. Or perhaps it just takes that long. Not to gain the knowledge. To gain experience. To then be faced with our soul's growth in Wisdom... which for me, is pretty much always the goal. Go high or go home. That comes from living in a professional family.
Which led me to a question that I now would like to make space for. Can our infant sized brains know or be aware of, the diffence between good stress and negative stress? I am wondering if stress can then be good at all? Can our brains interpret stress in a positive manner? Just more for me to ponder outside of the ego mind.
Hostage.
Why not we be held accountable as our own responsibility?
Good Grief, I do believe that I have opened the door to pandora's box. So like me.
I woke up this morning reminded of a phrase that my mother used to say to me. "You are just too smart for your own good!" Followed up by my own internatized message, 'Being too smart is definetly not a goal to want to attain if it's against me.' We don't even realize that thoughts are left hanging for us to continuously interpret and figure out on our own. Worse than that is that we are then sent out into the world unprepared for future experiences.
Pandora's box is an artifact in Greek mythology connected with the myth of Pandora in Hesiod's Works and Days. He reported that curiosity led her to open a container left in care of her husband, thus releasing physical and emotional curses upon mankind. Later depictions of the story have been varied, while some literary and artistic treatments have focused more on the contents than on Pandora herself. The container mentioned in the original account was actually a large storage jar, but the word was later mistranslated. In modern times an idiom has grown from the story meaning "Any source of great and unexpected troubles."
All to contemplate today. Just the beginning of new, more emplowered, relateably empowered thoughts, which have the power to actualize and manifest. Have an amazing day. Love who you are and Be who you love. Lori-lynn
