Beyond all that stuff♡ that does not matter. that really is not important. that tugs ever so gently upon your heart strings. but perhaps not. perhaps it pounds at the door ♡ awaiting to be recognized, held, answered... or just heard♡ that sits outside the edge of the ego♡ and inside the hands of happiness♡ is the truth. and the love♡
that. is what truly matters♡ On Judgement & Conditioning ♡ being bound by what we have been shown & taught rather than what the soul knows or what's in our hearts♡
Balance♡ There will always be people in your life who want to hold onto you or try to hold you back♡ there are those who it so does seem, that the cost of the friendship far outweighs the gain♡those that drive you to your edge, cross your boundaries, touch and inflame emotions♢ and those, of course, those who fail to see all you've done for them. And that is okay♡ Really♡ they are those who keep the Balance.
Understanding the Balance. the Journey. the Souls Destination. They are, in fact, here FOR YOU. To teach you. To re-direct you. To guide you to where you need to be♡ even if it's away from them.
I sit and try and make sense of it all. Sometimes I just cannot. Perhaps that's okay and it's not meant to make sense of... it's from this place today where I search for my Happiness.
What constitutes or makes up who we are? And how does this reflect on who we are supposed to be? The 'image' of who we are, is just that, it comes not from our own direct experience, but rather from the opinions of others, rather imposed upon us. We act in a certain we, or react in a manner that we feel we should. 'Children are seen and not heard.' 'That dress makes her look dirty, cheep, fat, or sleek.' 'It's so cute when she does that.' If I look closely I can see how our personality, my personality, was imposed upon us from the outside in, replacing any individuality that should have grown within.
Yes this is extreme, but I think that this is the place where I meet the balance, where I discover my true identity. To look into the mirror at my reflection and to break out of what all that I have been conditioned by others to believe about myself. Break-Free♡ Our personalities are shaped by our circumstances; our individuality was given to us at birth. Too often we have come to believe that safety comes in numbers, that team players are the best, that being in a crowd will feel cozy, warm, and secure, having the most friends makes us the best candidate. Perhaps this is okay for some, or even most... but I have always wanted to be my own person, not tied to any one thought, experience, circumstance or thing.
It's merely understanding this, acknowledging this, that is to be the rebel. often meaning that we are difficult to get along with.
I had a crazy dream again last night. To tell it will not do it justice, but it had to do with a nest of baby birds that was suspended in the air. I ran to grab my camera to catch the incredible sight and when I arrived back there was an eagle wanting to get to the young in the nest. I shewed the eagle away, all the while capturing the photography of the entire event. It was quite awe-inspiring. Others gathered around to see the nest, but few caught a glimpse of the eagle. I fell quickly back into a deep sleep after this dream and when I awoke I was thinking about judgment; placing judgment on others and its effects. Others placing judgement upon me and its effects. I couldn't get it out of my mind, so I set down to try and write what I was experiencing. Here is some of it...
On Judgement~the person telling the story, is telling THEIR story. The person listening to the story, is listening to what THEY want to hear... both in relation to their own personal experiences and circumstances. neither better nor more right nor wrong than the other.
There are some who will listen, without judgement and leave the story where they heard it, understanding that what makes the story truth, doesn't really exist, at least not in the way we think. There are always many sides to any experience; no 2 people ever experience the same experience the exact same, ever. And then there are those who seem to get pleasure, gain, or reward for jumping on the back of those telling the story, and even making the story their own, often expanding on it & then making it suit their needs or agenda. I rarely understand this, but I have been discovering more and more awareness and clarity from it each day, trying to do better, be better; to make better choices♡ That I can do on my part. It is a forever lesson, it does seem for me. And so, how does this tie in with my happiness, you might ask. The answer is within the awareness... and the conditioning. The will to belong, to be a part of the group. Any group, it so seems in this day and age, as long as we belong somewhere... balanced with my own deep, personal, individuality.
It's to know this each time that I make a decision that is based in someone else's experience, to perhaps make me part of the 'group,' but to see what have I lost or given up. To recognize that this is outside of my individuality. When we choose to learn from an experience, even when what we choose goes against what we know, creates an atmosphere of sadness within me, because then I am different, and cast outside the shadows. It often sets me apart with a sense loneliness.
Because it's untrue. I know this deep within my heart. Sometimes we have to risk to gain. I looked back at what I have learned in this regard... it took me back to the lessons of my childhood...
~Awhile back while I was with the young man I work with, I acknowledged a woman along our way. He told me, quite confidently that she was not a good person, she wasn't trustworthy and mean. I asked him how he knew this. 'Because a friend of mine that she worked with told me stories about her!" "Oh, I responded, and tell me about this friend of yours, what is he like?" "Well, he said, he's kinda a troublemaker."
I then asked him what this woman had done to him personally, to which he responded that she had always been very nice to him. There was a moment of silence. He then said, "I guess maybe she's not so bad and I should give her a chance." They have become friends, but he did have to risk, to weigh the costs and find the balance. The true balance is in the heart.
~A couple of months ago, I spend the weekend with a childhood friend. We reminisced about meeting in elementary school. She became very emotional and I wasn't sure why. Then she told me something that I had forgotten, perhaps wasn't even aware of "I was sitting in the front of the class, alone, mostly because I was poor. Nobody wanted to be my friend. You walked up to me, sat down and said, 'I'll be your friend.'" I knew no risk, at the time, I just knew that it was wrong to make such a judgment upon another, to cast anyone out. To bring pain or sadness to another just did not feel good. in my heart. how does this get lost? Where does it go? When?
More....
I, in return, had a friend come to my defense in high school. I will forever be grateful to this person. My friend responded to their statement by asking, "Do you even know her, because if you did, then you would know that wasn't true!" Funny, as I think back along this road, I can recall the many who have done for me similar on my behalf. Makes me smile.
Now, I'm not perfect and have not always made the best or even good decisions, but with each choice forward, I am more and more committed to making an effort and to do so Consciously, without pre-Judgement and free from the chains that bind me through conditioning. Knowing that each step forward that choices from the heart lead us to our destiny. and happiness. no matter what that is.
Wishing you all a beautiful, joyful, thoughtful day♡ much love.
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