I discovered the correct word

The other day when I was pondering about my life, I chose the wrong wording.. or perhaps just meant different wording once I thought long and hard about it. The words the best fit where I am 'mentally' are that I don't want to be HERE any more; meaning in this space. I am just tired of struggling for nothing... or so it seemed. Let's get one thing off the table, there are so many areas that I am so completely blessed in. It's really one of the biggest areas of my life that I have struggled with since I can rememeber that just does not seem to be manifesting.... or perhaps its just taking it heavy slow time. With that, in the meantime, I am working towards lightening this load.

I am tired all over again, in a very different manner and I have prayed that I discover the means to the meaning of my life. I know that when I was so sick with my gall bladder and other internal organs, that the only reason that I was not hospitalized was because of COVID. Would that have made a difference and would this all have lasted as long as it did. COVID pretty must prevented so many from obtaining that care that was necessary for many during their recovery and healing. What I also know is that, for me, the isolation was deafening and deadly. This goes back to living at the cottage, much in isolation from my friends and family; unable or unwillling to truly see or acknowledge what I was experiencing. Yet for me, if I could just keep smiling, being positive, all would be fine. Alas, that is not the manner in which it worked and I will never be the same human being again, as there is no turning back from destiny. I allowed people to see the positive, and the beauty. There WAS so much beauty that surrounded me. I made a point of looking for it. My family and good friends supported and encouraged me through the rough, tough periods; those ones where I just could not stop vomiting; deep breaths and rest to heal. About this time, I began seeing a new physiotherapist; one who workds specifically and intelligently on the gut and intestine areas. I learned so much about the wisdom of the journey. I allowed days of solitude and inner awareness to field me. Funny thing about my therapist, as I look back, I wonder about how much I really know and ponder what I do not know. My physiotherapist encouraged me to explore the depths of my journey. He helped me reach down and touch those areas where my heart has sunk. It was definitely time to move out on, in wholeness and in love; as it is that place that fills the heart wiwth kindness and compassion. The Compassionate Inquiry; within oneself for out ultimate highest being; leading us outside the ego mind. To do so, is to surrender.

With this being said, that is what I was talking about. I don't want to be "here." Right here, at this time, in this place, without any true immediate support. It's a lonely space to be. So I asked God that night (Sunday) to send me a message or a sign or anything that could/would assist me in getting back to the place where the life was a WONDERLAND. It had always been that place for me. The dreamer, the lover, and me. When I awoke yesterday morning, I was happy to be doing to visit a good friend who had offered me a facial. First and foremost, it was an amazing way to love my best life. We talked and talked and cleansed and beautified and then I was ready to head home, feeling as though God had sent to me an angel. We are all angels for one another, if we choose.

Just prior to going to visit her, I was scrolling through facebook, when my eye caught a sanctuary retreat from one of the fellows that I had followed just prior to and during the COVID days. He seemed to have disappeared until the moment that I really needed help. Instantly, I booked the retreat and then I booked the flights. As my mother would say, you don't turn your back on a gift horse. This was one that I knew instantly is exactly why I had been awaiting my agreeement funds. This is what they are for. I grabbed hold of the reigns and I am set now for two holidays.

Emotional healing is the gateway to breaking free from patterns of pain and fear, allowing you to experience life more fully and connect deeply with others. By addressing past wounds, you build resilience, self-acceptance, and emotional balance—essential elements of mental well-being.

Emotional growth complements this process, fostering healthier relationships, effective communication, and personal empowerment. It deepens self-awareness and encourages thoughtful responses that align with your true values. Together, healing and growth pave the way for greater joy, stronger connections, and authentic living. So that is where I am today. NO cards to pull, just mindfulness and an openness to discover why and how.

Let GO

Ive had a couple of pretty tough days. Partially brought on by weather that is horrendous. A blizzard during the 'warm' day that kept most people indoors, followed, as usual, by bitter cold days. It's often to force oneself outside.

The other major factor, and I believe that I will keep writing on here, so to keep my thoughts and understandings at bay. Two factors. The first being that I just don't want to read anymore. Im done. Perhaps I am the 'real deal' and such, but it's been such an up and down journey that it's worn thin on me. I love what I do. I have always wished that I would be able to just read for people and counsel. That has always been my goal. It came with a farm house and land to have a retreat. This is just not panning out. It began to when I got married, yet I chose to believe in the stories that my ex was relaying to me. I chose. There is no one else to blame. It is a huge factor in my world. I can still picture it in my mind, so clear and real. but then it's not. The second thing, which goes hand in hand, is that I truly don't have anything to live for. I don't mean to sound flippant about it, but I am honest. I understand and know that this sounds suicidal, but it's not. I still live for the moments, which are rarer and leaner inbetween. What it's meant for me, is to discover a new meaning to the life that I am living. How did everything go so very wrong and turned upside down. I know some of the answers, but I don't know them all. I am going to write and write until I figure out where I belong. and how. What is my purpose? Where do I fit in? Where is life leading me?

For the past many years, and especially this past year, decision making has been what has caught me up. I was working at a position that I loved and felt that I was doing a really good job. Were some things lacking, of course, but do to circumstance. I am still at a loss with this and has completely put a hold on my confidence with my ability. I am hopeful that my trip to British Columbia (Langley and the Island) will instill a sense of being for myself. worthiness and deserving. And its not that I am depressed, because I am not. I am extremely mindful of all that surrounds me and all that comes my way. My life just does not have any meaning and this has always been my 'thing.' All of what I truly wanted, I did not achieve. I've come to terms with this and understand my role. Some days its difficult to understand what is real and what is not. Perhaps nothing is truly real. I am not questioning all that I know, understand, have experienced, and learned. What I am challenged with is what to do with all of this, I'm not sure. Yet, i will tell you one thing... I am open to listening and learning more. I have no idea what I need. I live with someone who dislikes me intensely. That's difficult for me as I have no idea how to respond or act. ACT. I know that I have broken so many promises lately, which has been shown to me as a message of surrender. So with this, I will try. Try to surrender to the beauty and the love. I always thought that there was only love. Im not sure if I believe it anymore or not. I still believe that love or anything is a sliding scale; a balance of fear and security of the love within. I believed and felt that I had learned a new strength of faith; yet not before experiencing its raw truth. I am not sure what that is or where that leads me. I just know that I am here to stay. The journey has been so long and trying. Trying what?

To understand the meaning and the gift of life. A life, at this point, I feel as though has been wasted.

Base Truth & I Let Go

I had the craziest day yesterday. A day filled with surprises and craziness. So today... I let go. I now allow and rely only on the love of God to take me to where I most need to be. Here. Right here in this moment.

When I let go and allow for the greatest awareness in true faith that what is necessary for me, along my journey, this will indeed transpire. I will be movitvated, or rather compelled, in that direction, forward, because I can. I am God. a teenie ray of the light. As are you and everyone on this planet... Good or Bad, Happy or Sad. I choose ME. i am tired of acting or pretending, I choose LIFE. I have been sending out resumes and looking out for work, yet I am leaving it up to my highest good to bring back to me... what I deserve, what I am workthy of. That is what will appear. This I most need to remember. There is a secret to life and I am not sure if I have found it. "Keep writing," they say, as though I am possessed. Trust is imperative... and a sense of humour.. and integrity. I had 3 surgeries and each time I asked God to take me if I am not surving my purpose or it has been completed. At the time, I was so sick. I accepted it, but it was so difficult. There were good days and there were bad days, as there always are, heck there are great momeents and painful ones that bring me back down to my knees. I had to make an effort to be brave. Some days I still do. COVID played such a role in my illness. I know this, but honestly it merely perpetuated what I had endured over the past seven years and has now brought me to here. To Here again. I know that this is a destination that I must travel and that is what gets me through to the next moment. And the next one after that. One step. One moment. One thought. At a time. and the next one after that.

Being sick was horrible. "I could not throw up one more time." Yet I did, over and over again. That was the most major reason for writing at all odds of the night; to keep myself from puking. I just can't do it anymore. Yet, I could not stop myself during that time. My weight went belove 120 pounds, 30 of which were warranted and necessary, after living the lifestyle that was created around me, bu thnow the rest just kept coming off, quickly.

What I came to discover was that I was living too much in my ego brain, that now that I was "free' everything is okay. I seer now that this was only making me more ill. And I worked my way through this, knowing that I had to get healthier. Perhaps being a heyoka empath I was, and I say WAS because I am not only willing to, but more so, cannot continue to do so... carrying the load anymore. What load you ask. First, the load of my ex-husband, and well, then, the load of the world. Quite literally, my heart has been in my stomach. Today, it is often still there, only slowly being released, one thought, one, moment at a time. Releasing Toxic Shame.

I AM

Good Morning... A happy and healthy day to all today. Here I am. The Block seems to be lifting. Every time I think about a person, any person, all that I am able to see is the role that each and every one, in my life has brought me, to this space, has served to bring me clarity. I honestly believe that I can see how this does serve me. an AWARENESS. I am WORTHY OF and DESERVING. Holy Mary Magdeline.

We are each brought in to one anothers community, life, family, to teach or to learn lessons. Yes we know that. Yes, I know this. What I am not certain that I totally understand, is that often some people merely come into our lives to reach us or us them and then they are on their way... forward with the hope that they are a better person for the interaction. I believe that this might be were I go off. I tend to get comfortable really quickly, and with that, you are a friend for life. This is not what its always like or about. Just the lesson at hand. I recall that when I first moved out on my own, I met a gentleman/handiman. He was so amazing at helping me fix a few issues and we became friends. Just friends, no benefits; we learned to talk to one another and I learned 2 things. One... that men can be 'nice' and generous, and that we could be friends and let go when necessary. I am finding that this conversation is a bit off-setting and I am not sure why. I will choose a few defining cards to see if I can make heads or tails of it. Well, this was interesting. In a general context, the Seven of Pentacles indicates that you have been working very hard and it will soon start to pay off. Okay, so they are still in my life to teach me something. Perhaps when we first met, life was progressing in a manner in which I was unaware. I was to work diligently through my healing and I feel that he was to teach me how to be content, in those moments. To learn and grow, to see that everything is coming to fruition; that my hard work would soon be paying off; the manifestation of ideas or goals, I would say especially. And like the true Scorp I am, the questions and dedication was there to pay off.

Now, it seems as though there is trouble in the mix. Or perhaps this is the middle, as it is the way in which the relationship developed. Challenges. The Seven of Wands tells me that there have been many challenges and more to come. The choice, then, is mind, to make my mind up if I choose to want the relationship to go the distance in which it is going, and if so, I may have to fight for the friendship. This challenge may come from inside the relationship in the form of you or your partner trying to blame each other for issues. This Minor Arcana card can also indicate that the relationship is under attack from third parties and that I may need to protect and defend it; by maintaining control, holding my own and determation. It's up to me to define; not others. The final card is the 2 of wands... by far one of my most favourite cards almost as much as the three of wands. The wands to often remind me to stay calm, collect, and mindful... with eyes out to the world. The early wands of contemplation, with the higher wands, the actions. What is out there? How much more is there to see. This is a reminder of my own hopes, dreams, anad adventures. The Two of Wands symbolizes future planning, progress, decisions, and discovery; it signifies possessing a vision and the ability to foresee future possibilities. So, to speak, I stand at a crossroads, evaluating my long-term plans. The card emphasizes my need to explore and expand; to learn about my own personal power and boldness to put the plan into action. In this moment, I feel good; in my progress. I come to new terms when necessary and try and keep level headed and mindful. In my mind, the ego mind, I listened. I have always believed that I had to choose, when the truth is, that I only have to trust. I had been, up until this moment, in my own way. Who knew? Well, as I would say, "The Big Guns" my Guides and God, the Divine Spirit of all that is in existence and brought into existence. I have now chosen to allow my grip to loosen on the the reigns and I trust; my faith has been restored and my place on this stage of my own life, is up front and centre. I am beautiful. In my own way. The beauty that comes from within. I have released all of the past trauma, guilt, shame, blame, etc. I am wiser for this. Wise, beyond any scope of imagination that I could ever surccum to. Most of all, what I know, is that most of all, I am LoVed. I am love. As are WE ALL. The whole huge world is a stafe and I needed this journey, as a sould level, to finally get it. To fully understand my own journey of awakening.

I will leave this to here and see what today takes me. Love and Blessings to all along your journey. Love and Light #LovingYourBestLife. Lori-Lynn

Elizabeth

 While I was going through my physical illness, I had many 'downloads' that I both wrote out, but more so, I put onto my voice recorder, which I can no longer find. One day. 

Always believe in the Power of Your Own Strength

In the meantime, here are a few of my notes, to help me to understand myself a little (or a lot) better.

2025 Vision Board

"I do believe that we come with a plan, and perhaps a schedule of events... but really, then why. The answer to that is Free Will. What that means is that out soul know, yet due to events of our childhood, and throughout our life, fear, shame, guilt, etc. may get in the way of accomplishing what we came here to learn. I used to think that if we did not accomplish what we most  needed to learn, we would have to come back and do it all over again. 

The Soul's Journey is more than this simplicity. When we go back into our soul state, we do a review to understand. We can then make a decision, in the next lifetime, or the one after that, etc, we can come back with a similar intention, perhaps more difficult or easier to accomplish. 

And what if we surpass this? Our own expectations of our Journey in this lifetime. Perhaps, then, this is another challenge... to surpass; to bring awareness to this opportunity. 

Which brings me to 'child  prodigy's'  I fully believe that they have mastered in another lifetime so to continue along that same journey with different awarenesses and lessons. 

The COVID outbreak, at my work, of which I was not infected, however, we continually had to re-adjust between working at home, on the streets, or at the office. AND my laptop was in the process of dying a very slow death. I was able to pick up a new one, and alas, I am back to stability! 

This year was a total year on physical healing for me. Saying that, the physical was due to a collage of emotional and mental challenges. So with that, I was healing Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and SPiritually.

How's that for the beginning of a journey, not so long ago. I suppose,  now, I am writing this all to see how far I have traveled and how much I have learned. 

What I want most, is to get back in the saddle and reposition myself as a front runner in what I am most passionate about. Something is letting me know that I am not quite ready. Gratefully and Graciously, I am here. 

Power only comes from Within...
Connected to that of All that is. 
Our Core. 

I almost died. A couple of times. and not at all on purpose. I was sick physically and it was COVID, so life was different for many, or  most, at this time. Doctor visits were over the phone. Very few saw how tiny had become. Alas, though, God would not allow me to die. I distinctly remember, while in this state, Gods hand reaching for me, picking me up and throwing me back... with the words, "You have not yet completed your agenda, the reasons that you came back to the place you call school. Ha! in real school, I didn't always do so well either! (that's a poke at myself!) What I discovered is that I was on the precipice of a HUGE Spiritual Awakening, I suppose one would call it. 

Base truth. I have struggle for so long believing that I was not worthly of, or derserving of, well, in the the end. LoVe. Afterall, there is only love. I am. 

For today... this is my peace. My space of peace I suppose. 

in LoVe and in LiGht, Lori-Lynn

LoVe Your BEST LIFE

Happy Thursday.  

I have to be complety honest withh you all. I am in a state... and it's not the greatest, yet in a state that I have become more accoustomed to. One that seems to have begun with COVID. The Lockdown. I personoally, after this past winter, don't feel as though I have recovered. Being sick physically, which then touched my mental health. This is something that I have never experienced with my mental health.  With the Moon in Scorpio (and me being a true Scop), I am being asked to introspect.... going within to discover where, and perhaps, how I got lost. 

My goal for discovering my "Best Fit" in my career life just does not seem to be panning out. That would be the hypothosis.. 

I am going to begin with work. Why? Because it's the place that I know with every ounce of my mind, I did not have a plan for. In all honesy, I did not know that I had to. I recall thinking back and wishing that I could have been as smart or knowing as one of my good friends, Pam Clarke; knowing that she wanted to be a journalist. I have, myself, been journaling my entire life; both fiction and turth.

I have enjoyed and loved so many positions that I have both been chosen for and awarded. After all of that, up until now, my self-awareness kicks in, just as I am settling in, and then something happens to kick me out. Is it a comfortableness? The wrong position? A bad fit? 

I honestly have been praised in each and every position I have worked. Yet, this last job left me dumbfounded and set me into depression, social anxiety and panic attacks. I somehow felt lost in a world that I did't fit into. Re-reading this, it wasn't me that didn't fit it.  Any way I look at it, I just didn't belong due to being good and fearless at what I do. Im 63 years old. Believe me, I have done everything that I thought was humanly possible, or so I thought. 

From January 1, 2025, I am only going to have Faith and Trust. In God, the Divine, that all that I came here to complete, will be accomplished. 

This part of my lessons', pretty much began where I left off, in 2021. I know this, as it's when I began to write out my 'Downloads" so to speak. Mere messages that come to me that make complete sense in a world that doesn't make sense to me at all. (I will be putting together a journal of those downloads soon).

I am alone. that's okay. i chose this path last night as I was thinking about 'doing nothing in the evening.' This is most about motivation. What I have always believed is that I have something to teach the world, or masses, so to speak. Sounds Granadiose, now doesn't it. But it's not. I don't want to do it in a way that makes me famous, only in a manner in which helps others to LoVe their BEST Life. 

First a story. at about the time of all of this, I truly did not want to continue to live. This DOES NOT mean that I was suicidal. There is a difference. I did not want to exist; perhaps better stated, I didn't know HOW to exist. 

And now it is Saturday. My motivation is clearly at an all time low. I think perhaps its fear. Fear of so many things. And yet, I don't feel afraid, I just know that I am. 

Ive seemed to have taken a step back. Am I loveable? I really, truly wonder. I can go back and just don't know what it is that I am doing to not be in a relationship. With that, I have to get to the bottom of this and find my way to a partnership that brings happiness and joy; love and support, a closeness that feels safe and right. 

At this point, I am just not sure how or where to begin. I thought that I had something good. But now it only hurts as I just can figure out how it got to here. Well, actually I can. And that is exactly what I am talking about. Fear. Fear that I didn't even know was there. In my mind, I just answered my own question. I want to be chosen. Not the other way around. That, perhaps, is where the unloveable comes in. I thought that I was chosen. 

Now that I have thought this through just now, I see where my mind comes into play. Making the move. I do. But what I want is to make the move to get them interested and with that, they make the move to choose me. I do understand that I am independent. Ive had to be. I was different from my family. They had many of the same or similar goals, mind differed, so I was often questioning where I fit in and often felt alone. Alone with many people around. 

This has not been my adult life. It was as though, as a child I awaited something whimsicle or magical to come along and choose me. CHOOSE ME. 

So with this, I am going to choose some cards and see if I can figure my days ahead out. Using my Spirit Deck of Authenticity, as well as the OSHO Meditation Deck... here goes.

Where Am I At? I am wearing a 'coat of arms' or protection of my self-worth. I just heard that my self-worth can only be defined by me, not by anyone else. Anyone who is judging, need look within their own fears. There is a master plan, the web of fate, divine inspiration, learning to understand the patterns of illusion. What can I not see. What am I avoiding. What I am not utilizing comes from the Wisdom of the Hawk. Listen to the messages within. YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALright. (I am fearful of losing my money that I worked so hard to get. I am fearful of a new job, the last one took everything out of me; especially as I believed that I was doing a great job. This can take so much. But it's jealousy. A word that I dislike. I am a visionary; I do have the gift of clear-sightedness, and I certainly receive messages from Spirit. I am also an extremely good and sensative counselor. All of which I must find the Courage to Celebrate my strengths, accomplishments, and grace. It's time. I just need to route. Perhaps that route is merely TRUST. 

What is my Greatest Challenge at this time?  I drew the 'Hanged Man' and what I heard is the illumination of Spirit. To trust and believe; to not push my way through the stage, to merely allow and manufacture. Im not sure what that means, yet that is what I heard. The  Queen of Pentacles fell out and what I heard at that time was that I must enjoy where I am at, not again, push through. All in good time. You can sit and enjoy the reaps of rewards... they will indeed come. that is my greatest challenge, not to push. push push push. That says to me that I do not trust in myself. I do have faith in God, I just am not always certain that I deserve the rewards. I cannot seem to let go of the past. The challenge appears to be to 'Fall in Love With Myself." To love and adore myself to fall in love with me, my past, present, and future; to see myself as 'sitting pretty.' In regards to relationships, there is a huge ego issue, bonds that keep us away from one another. The Challenge is to keep the goal in mind. New beginnings are on their way with the Fool. 

What will help me with the Challenge? from 2 decks I will seek assistance. Ok So from the Animal Spirit Deck, I received Butterfly Spirit (transformation is beautiful) and Cow Spirit (miracles are endless). These truly are my blocks. I am yearning to transform; to not be a loser, to be fun and exciting and see the world. Miracles are such that they are to be held onto; therefore they are endless. What will help further with this is Courage; the 2nd showing of this message. Seek the truth by doing the Shadow Work. The Sun appears striking a balance. I just realized what that balance is. The balance of being 'normal' and the balance of being 'special' when in all reality, we are all special in our own right. This I need to achieve. MOVEMENT..... Draw Inspiration into Motion. Find a way... the way... my way. 

Where will this lead me to? Healing. LOVE YOUR BEST LIFE. I seem to be trying to hold everything together. It doesn't match up. LET GO. Its time to stop putting things off. That being the fighting within. FALL in LOVE with MYSELF. How can someone love me if I cannot love me. This is time to perhaps look back and have more patience with yourself, knowing right from wrong, good from bad, don't back down... see myself as unique and different. I will soon be able to live moment to moment without worrying or thinking of the next moment, just enjoying the one that I am in now. I have the opportunity to pretty much begin again. RE-invent myself and my love for me. That is the Opportunity that I am faced with. Choose me and don't allow anyone to choose for me. If someone is worried or concerned, that's on them. 

I think that I will leave it at this, for now, as this is where I must begin my journey. Each day is a new opportunity to begin a again... to keep moving forward. To LOVE MY BEST LIFE. It seems as though I am waiting to go to Vancouver, as something wonderful might just happen there. Rather, I should be thinking of this moment and making the best and most of each moment in front of me. 

Upon checking my email for today, this message came and hit me.... full moon thoughts for January...

* Our full moon thought for January *

Having arrived in the new year 2025, some may encounter the familiar inner dialogue or conflict between renewal and preservation, between enthusiasm and skepticism, between idea and reality. Apparently, it is in the nature of a new period that change is signaled to us, and we then have to find the appropriate or feasible measure of change for ourselves – not that easy. As we know from I Ching, one of humanity’s oldest surviving books, everything in life is transformation. Either way, we are changing, whether we actively pursue it or just let it happen. Maybe it helps to trust the flow of life more, just as we experience the constant cycle of the seasons or the pathway of the moon in the night sky. Finding trust is an art and simultaneously a capability we can reconnect with any time …

Sounds about right..... With Love and Honour, Lori-Lynn on a Journey to LIVE MY BEST LIFE

 

I Am

Whole. 

"I am perfectly created. For me. I am a wonderfully unique individual. For me. 

Every lesson that I have learned, every risk that I have take, and every achievement that I have made contributed to the whole that I am. 

Who I Am. Whole.

This truly is what I work towards with my clients; to see the fullness of their journey, each and every step of the way - bumps, bruises, laughter, joy, sadness, happiness, serenity, fullness, emptyness - Completeness. This is our Journey and that is my gift; to assist others to see their journey, not as injured humans, but as complete Souls, on a Soul's Journey. 

My Intuition is a powerful guide. We do all have this within our representation of self; perhaps I more than others one
might say. I am not completely sure. I do believe that my intuition is my most powerful tool and use it for my highest good; for myself and when others are involved. I can say, wholeheartedly, that it has always served me in the most positive way. I strengthen my ability by fully trusting and responding to in a responsible way. With every, so called 'risk' that I take, this has brought forth an opportunity to learn more about my intuitive capabilities. 

Responsibility - the Ability to Respond. This requires me to be mentally present at all times. That has been my journey.  No a difficult one, merely a learning one. Leaving the past where it belongs and moving forward in both a conscious and creative manner, always responding from this space. The past only respresents the present when we allow it to hold us back. That is fear. I have worked so dilligently to not respond from fear. It's been a challenge that I have met head on and am ready. 

What happened yesterday, happened. I learned and entered into today. What happens tomorrow, will happen tomorrow. Staying mentally present in today is crucial for my emotional clarity. Right now, in this moment, I am ready to accept all that life offers, whole, complete, and aware. There is nothing more important than allowing my entired focus into this day. 

I know that any feelings of frustration, fear, exhaustion, sadness, or lack of, are signs that I am not being true to my personal and soul journey; intertwined.  That I am not seeing clearly my own path. I recognize and know that what is meant for me feels freeing, comfortable, aligned with my heart and soul. What is meant for me feels inspired, fun, alive; it flows in a natural manner that is both calm and exciting at the same time. What is meant for me feels easier. It creates a sense of wholeness and aliveness. 

Through this process, I set clear boundaries; ones that allow me to nurture my intuition, intentions, and move me forward in this light; surrendering to my truth. Surrendering to my truth opens me up to the greatest of all gifts. Surrender IS allowing my intuition to flow. 

Alignment. Always aligned with the Will of the Divine. Very interesting journey for me today through much awareness. I am excited to take on the day. I have healed, and continue to heal, in a way that I may have anticipate, yet I did not expect. I did experience. I know without a doubt that this is true with the circumstances of yesterday. When all seemed to come apart at the seams, I was able to see and feel the light within. I chuckled when I made the connection as it happened. It was meant for me to see clearly how far I had come in my healing. There but for the Grace of the Divine Go I. The Light, the Sunshine of my day, always within and connected in fullness. For this I am grateful. Surrender with Alignment to allow for a flow. 

Love.     

I Am Who I Am

It's been a puzzlement to my being and a blow to my ego that people have questioned my motives and authenticity. The interesting thing is that after many, many years this has brought me back to my trueness; back to the love within. So with it, it has served a purpose.

In all honesty, I don't know how to be anyone other than myself. I certainly have tried. Having said that, I have discovered it to be a most difficult challenge. It does stem from the awareness of two potentially life altering factors in my life. The first I learned at a pretty young age; that I never wanted to excel in sport in the manner that my family did. It just did not interest me in the least. I did enjoy competing on a level that didn't break my inner most being, but exceling in a familial manner was just not a part of my make-up. 

The second stems from my Gift. and had the greatest ability to deviate me from my soul's journey. This is my ability to respond to people around me in a kind, compassionate, and empathetic manner, all the while understanding parts of their being on a level that I have continued to learn and understand a a very deep level. This challenge has taken me on a journey of self-discovery that has indeed rocked my world. It's taken me to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs, all to bring me back to a truly authentic balance. 

Along the way I have had old friends appear at just the exact moment that I most needed for them to appear, only to disappear again; except for within the DNA of my memory. With it they brought me to an understanding and awareness that was met with both a calmness and excitement; for I truly began to understand that, yes, this IS who I am. All of me. The True Nature of My Being. 

Recently, as I was in the perels of my journey, questioning, once again, whether or not I was a 'fake,' I received a letter from a friend whom I lived next door to many, many years ago as a child. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7. She reached out after many year of trying, to thank me for being such a positive and inspirational impact on her life.  I was most surprised because of our age at the time; we were so young.  This is not the first or only time in which people that I have met along the way have reached out to me to thank me, although it still felt strange; as though i was living in persons life.  How could that possible be me that she is speaking about.

That was what got me thinking and challenging my intentions.  I have always felt that this was just who I am at my core and I have never really deviated from that core. I almost did, but once again, there but for the grace of God go I. 

Because my authenticity of being a kind person has been challenged or worse, seen as a flaw, I began to wonder if I was, in fact, being true to myself or doing so with a an unconsious thought process. This train of thought has all the way back to where I am on my current pathway. 

I truly believe that this is who I am. My kindness comes from many areas of my world. I have been shown how to be kind, who to be kind to, when to be kind, and to be kind in the face of mean or pettiness.  Why? Easy enough. Because meanness is everywhere and I know first hand what it feels like when people are mean. I cannot imagine choosing to make someone feel that way and being okay with it. For me, it eats away at my core. 

To be really clear, this conversation within myself seems so childlike or childish, but for some reason, today, it is real. I suppose it's because some of the perceptions people have said in the past about me which have hurt significantly and I have had to understand the origins of this pain or trauma. Defending myself because I was kind may seem ridiculas to some, but I truly could never make sense of it. Perhaps the answer goes back to my story when I was in grade 3. My teacher was being mean to me (yelling and hit me with a ruler, so I started to cry) because I was late for class. This had never happened to me before and I wasn't aware of the protocol. I was 7 years old for goodness sake. As I started to cry, she sent me to the principals office. As I was walking in the hall, another teacher, who had always been kind, approached me and asked what was wrong. My response was, "Ms. Stadnyk was mean to me and I don't understand why. I have a soft heart and I really don't want to have a hard heart like hers."  

That pretty much sums it up for me. I cried when people were mean. Somehow this equated to not being a valid or good response even though it's how I felt within. 

This is what I woke up with this morning trying to understand my thoughts better. How to find the positive in any that I could. That. That has long since been my motivation. And with that I choose a few cards and Spirit is indeed good once again. "Savouring the Positive..." I allow myself the spaciousness of savouring the delicious gifts in my life. This truly says it all... the spaciousness. When we allow for anger, grief, or such, we box it in and there is little room for anything more, so my allowing a spaciousness of savouring, seeking the positive within any or every experience, it opens us up to so much more; the box fills with gifts. hm. 

This is passion for me; to find and allow for a space of positive fulfillment. I have committed to putting my entire heart into the people and things that I believe in. I do believe in people, even when and although they have let me down; I very much believe in the goodness of people.  I believe this passion to be a powerful source; an internal fuel that lights a flame within my heart. I recognize the strength of my passion for truth and kindness and with that, I am focused on my intent. 

This, itself, does lend itself to a certain vulnerabilty; albiet vulnerabiltiy is my strength and NOT my weakness. This, is what I have had to learn, perhaps to grow into. I can now see how this vulnerability  has opened me up to serve and not hinder. I use it with great awareness to attract and bring forth the goodness in all; that which is beneficial to my highest good. I purposefully lean into, rather than carry shame, my feelings as I honour my truth. When I communicate my feelings in a loving and generous way, I am able to speak more freely my truth; my dicernment. I no longer argue for my limitations. I see no need. There are more satisfying experiences to discover by releasing and sending back energies that clash with my inner most being of truth and kindness. I refuse to settle for what others intend for me and awaken that path wthin me which I am most passionate about. Kindness. 

I know now that when I honour the fear within, it only serves to weaken my inner sense of self and doubt blinds me to any limitless possibility. I close my eyes, take deep and shallow breathes inward and remind myself that I am worthy of my own path and desires. My own.  I remind myself that I am valid, even if I was led astray with feelings that the road ahead was unjust and not paved with kindness. It is if that is what I choose to focus and intend upon. That IS my road.

Moving forward in this space I remind myself that there is always a positive to savour and it's always the right time for joy and a sense of peace. This allows me to make more space for the fun and excitement that I so desire. This allows me to make more space for life to be more easy, gentle and kind; it's only harder when we forget what our Souls Mission and Set Intentions Are. 

Kindness has an inequated emotional return for a minimal effort. Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and all can feel. Kindness can build bridges. It is important because it has a way of touching anothers heart as no other. It can lift oneself and another when in the depths of challenges.  It only takes one thought, one moment, and one action. 

In the end, only kindness matters.” Jewel

Perception, Awareness and Truth.

Using the Power of My Voice... to Surrender.  There is a manner of Truth that affords me when I completely Surrender to a Divine Power Greater than my Physical Being. And as I honour this truth, it opens my inner most senses to the acceptance of my Soul's Mission, offering to gifts of Divine Grace, Truth, and Wisdom. 

This manifests itself from the internal openness that is connected and aligned to my thoughts and words... My Inner Voice. This moves me today to notice and acknowledge that which feels true to me. I do mean this in the rawest sense of awareness. Rather than merely or meaninglyless speaking, holding the words as a thought before speaking them out loud. I consciously take inventory of how each word create a sense of love, or, sense of fear within. I then choose to sit with this, breathing into the spaces within and meditate upon the words discover my truth. I then release the words to speak from this place, with a gentle and compassionate awareness. 

Speak Truth Always... expressing your thoughts, words, and feelings to others with authenticity, accountiblity, care, compassion, and meaninfulness. 

"The voice is our most powerful instrument and has the greatest capacity to generate energy change and stimulate mental processes. There are many aspects of our voice that say much more than the content of our spoken words, making the people who listen to us feel, interpret or trust more, or less, in what we say."

This does begin with Self; within. Our voice carries with it an energy that is aligned with our feelings. This energy connects with another on the energy level at which their thoughts are in that current moment. The greatest importance of this is awareness. When we pay attention to our inner surroundings, how our body is feeling, as we begin to project our words, we become more conscious and responsible for what is being directed towards another. Discovering this, and using this ability allows for a greater connection. 

This is. this is the power of the moment, the power within the here and now. Naturally, this is a healing process of consciousness. There is a sense of Enlightenment that greets us in this space. By choosing this level of consciousness, the power of our thoughts through feelings will negotiate a vehicle in which growth is born.

There is such a level that we all believe this to be true, yet many use it as a manner of defense to manipulate the situation rather than owning the experience as a true one. There is opportunity before you to get to know your fears and restrictions. What are my intentions in these thoughts and how do I most want to project my words as meaningful in light of the situation in front of me. 

We do this by getting to know our Self better. We are an ever-evolving energy source that has the 
capacity to expand; to become the best possible version of our Self by observing what our body is telling us. The point is when the thoughts first enter into our awareness. To then catch them and to sit with them briefly; to clarity our response or reaction. This is the point of discovery. Train yourself to do so from a place of love, compassion, and pride. Express yourself in ways in which allow you to shine forth, to bring forth the change that may be necessary in any connection, experience, or situation. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to uncloud the confusion as the clarity arrives. Allow the manifestion for the greatest and Divine good of all involved. 

Just my thoughts on this day. Namaste, much love and awareness upon your evolution of your Soul's Journey. 

The Disconnect... and Yet Again...

Truth is, for me, my insight and perspective... the further that we move into COVID, the further that I see and feel that we move away from one another.

The Disconnect.

Truth is, for me, my insight and perspective... I believe that as
we move futher into this pandemic, that we, as a human race, are moving further and further away from what it was meant to teach us.

Compassion and Unity.

We, that being near and far, I feel, have become such a disconnected society. It saddens me such on a level that so many cannot understand, and yet I know that so many do. Those are my people. I see good people every day, who have become helpless, or homeless; and yet, it seems few care. There are few places to turn and judgment in return for their struggles. I do what I can, when I can, and with whom I can, as so many who remain connected and diligent do, and yet, the problems are surmounting higher and higher. There seems no relief from the disconnect. It becomes greater and greater as we become further and futher apart... disconnected.

Robots pinning one against the other, this side against that, often over baseless 'reality' and misguided information, money, fame, sex, drugs, and rock n' roll... Just kidding. But serious. Mine, Yours, and no longer an Ours. The existence of Unity draws us further and further apart; so far apart that we often don't even see the person in front of us.

Truth is, for me, my insight and perspective... we are all connected; we are all unified... by one God, or greater power, however you see it, feel it, or have it. We are each and every one of us, connected. Each of us sees within ourselves what we express to one another.

There is a deeper meaning that we, as a society, just don't want to face. How can that man (or woman) who is begging for money on the street, or rummaging through trash along their way, just to survive, having anything to do with ME? you might ask. And the opposite is true. He/She who is living grand and exciting lifestyle, how can they relate to ME? I suppose that is merely my level of thinking, or awareness. Yes, a polyanna viewpoint. I get it. And yet I feel it. So deeply. A feeling that is so deep that truly connects me to each and every person that I come into contact with. I feel it on a level that draws me in and makes to take a longer look at my own being. One that allows me to understand myself better; my pain, my trauma, my own disconnect that moves me forward with a greater connection of love, first, for myself, and offer unto another.

We can only love another with as much love as we have within ourselves.

It may seem like my battle alone, but as I see it, it's all of ours. It affects each of us differently, as we all respond and react in a manner that reflects our own journey. Connected through that same secure state or fear state of love within ourselves, aligned with that same higher power or oneness that moves through all of us; that connects us and unifies us.

And yet again, I go toe to toe, heel to heel, heart to heart, soul to soul... with a world that often does not understand my ponderings, my fascination with my own seekings, and I ask, "What am I yet again, to learn, to understand, to align with?

This takes me back to my psychology professor who I so often challenged the theory that "nobody can make you feel any such way, only you are accountable to your feelings and observations." I once stated that I understood the theory, yet now I once again, challenge it, for I see it through new lenses. As I pay closer attention to my surroundings, I can feel a greater connectedness, a greater appreciation for each experience and interaction. I can fully appreciate, with a renewed compassion and empathy for the journey of another, our alignment, and our connection to harmony. Balance.

With this new awareness, I strive to live in this present moment and I offer this gift to those I connect with, allowing for a non judgmental interaction, reaction, and response. And as I do so, I release my worries and pain into the past, as I do theirs. I move forward with the connectedness choosing to focus on the most important matters... that being human interaction and love. I release the worries and allow my life to be whole again.

As I move forward, I pledge to refrain from overthinking, seeing that this only takes away the power of my wholeness, leaving room for fear and distrust. I move back into a state of self love and intuition, trusting in the wholeness of my feelings in that state of love; knowing that the times that I feel myself moving into a state of fear or lack of, I can close my eyes, breathe in deeply and replace these feelings with kinder, gentler thoughts that I choose to define who I am. I then nurture these feelings with self care and a gentle love. All knowing that there is only love, and this love begins within.

Beginning today, this moment... I reward myself with the gift that it is a great day to stop doing the things that keep me from feeling my very best and believing that I am unworthy, leaving only goodness and love to enter into my existence of a greater connectedness. I move away from the disconnect, because that is what I choose.

How does this relate? Well, that's for each and every one of us to attune and connect. God Bless. There but for the Grace of God Go I. And Yet Again...