Truth. Faith. Hope. Anxiety

today♡ honesty. And a breath. Most people do not know that I struggle with debilitating anxiety.

Know that whatever you may think anxiety looks like... it may not be what you think or see.  It looks different on everyone... there is no 'one size fits all.'

Most suffers try to do whatever they can to hide their inner struggle because it's not acceptable, even though there has been so much awareness on Mental Health. This pandemic has created a whole new set of circumstances.

Many hide behind a smile on the outside, while tears flow rampantly on the inside.

For me, this is situational and I am working through it, with the assistance of so many people who support me. I am struggling with where and how I fit into this crazy world. Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water, swimming upstream, against the flow..  not quite understanding where I am headed. 

What am I seeking?   Peace. And. HOPE  AND Love.

Am I grateful 🙏? Why yes I am..  about so many things, gifts, talents, experiences..  for so many reasons am I grateful. 

Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, are not something that just go away with time, or one gets over, its a daily, one moment at a time challenge. Its work... often very difficult and often brings up many triggers. Thats where we get to define what may be going on inside. But when we are triggered... what's often left is a rampage of irrational responses and reactions. Back to square one. 

Last night I struggled with one insane breath at a time... 2 days of feeling frozen in time, not being able to understand what I was feeling or why... just counting moments until I could try and go to bed and then, with some hope and luck, I will sleep. 

When I look back, I cannot even remember when I was last truly happy for a significant length of time. That doesn't mean that I have been all doom and gloom. It's not like that.... or at least not always.  Doom and gloom is not my m.o. 

I was a happy, joyful child. I was a happy and creative teen and young adult. I did struggle, we all do. This is so different. 

So... when I post Be Kind. Be Happy. Dig deep to discover the hope that IS inside you. Look closer into the eyes and heart of the person across from you. A smile or kindness ☺ may make the world of difference to someone.

For today... my peace.  I love you. 

I love you. 

Please forgive me. 

I am sorry. 

I forgive me.

Thank you♡