Today's lesson is the final lesson as we move forward with some pretty amazing awareness.
The other day I mentioned that I had found that particular lesson to be personally difficult. We had reached a level that was moving me forward to a place that brought forth many of my fears from my childhood. Somehow I knew that I had to fully understand and embrace those lessons to move forward in my Journey.
I can look back, now, and see that during my late teens all the way into my years as a young adult, I struggled to separate in order to belong. Acceptance. In my courses I teach that we all have a 'root' word, a root cause of our fear. Mine is acceptance. I see that each time I moved closer to God or my Holiness, the more fearful I became. The message became clear; if I associate with God, then I was expected to act in a certain manner. I was expected to be something that I was not. And I wanted to belong, to be accepted; to have friends. To be loved.
The greatest love is that of God.
How to separate and belong at the same time. How to have fun, cross lines and discover; and still have a relationship with God, became the challenge. I had some pretty crazy experiences throughout those years, many of which I am not proud of. I struggled with the expectation; how I was supposed to act, think, and feel. For if I was holy, than I was perfect. All the while knowing that I am not. I knew my mistakes, each and every one of them.
But there is often no allowance for mistakes, especially in the church. Or so I began to think, believe and finally fear. I struggled between acceptance and my relationship with God.
The separation became more difficult as I began to believe that it was only through perfection that I could be holy. That each mistake (sin) that I made took me further and further away from my relationship with God, until I reached a place where I truly believed that I was so riddled with sin and mistakes that I could not possibly be loved by God, that I was too far gone that I could not be saved, and that I was doomed to not reach Heaven.
I always knew that I could not be perfect and to be honest, despite what others may believe, I was never trying to be. I know that I am not without sin. Let's just put that out there for the world to see. I have made mistakes, a boat-load of them truthfully, and I continue to make them. I have made some bad choices, really bad ones. I have hurt others, consciously and unconsciously. But I have also learned to forgive. I learned this long ago. What I understand now is that the person that I needed to forgive most, was myself. I am here not because of all the mistakes I have made, but rather for the lessons that I have learned. I can now fully forgive myself. I can then move forward, both learning and making mistakes, both that are consistent with my journey and my awareness. As I grow, so too will I make new choices.
What I have learned most in this phase of 10, what God is really telling us is that these mistakes are necessary for our growth and we have to experience them for ourselves. and that it's Okay. To live in a state of mindful awareness; with compassion; being caring, loving, gentle, and kind. And to forgive; self, as well as others. The Loving Allowance of all to Be; to experience, to learn, to grow, to move forward; each in our own place and time.
Today's lesson is 'My Holiness is my salvation.' Key here is MY, my lessons, my growth, my awareness, my mistakes. We have been taught to judge and to condemn. Not by the word of God, but rather by the word of others. It's a false interpretation that brings about so much fear.
Today is about letting go of this; releasing the attachments and narrowing the separation. In spite of all the mistakes, I am still holy.
This phase of lessons is so important, to understand, and more so, to embrace, as we enter into the next 10 phrases. For me, this is the final step in releasing judgment of my mistakes and to find acceptance with God. It's between me and God, it always has been.
A Course in Miracles~ Lesson 39~ My holiness is my rite and my salvation.
The idea used for the exercise today is very simple, very clear, and unambiguous. We are brought to the very obvious, which has been overlooked in the clouds of complexity in which we have been taught to think.
Our holiness is the answer to every question that was ever asked, is being asked now, or will be asked in the future. Your holiness means the end of guilt, the end of fear, and therefore, the end of hell, as we have been brought to believe. How could you, to whom your holiness belongs, be excluded from it? The answer is simple; God does not know UN-holiness.
A full five minutes are urged for four longer practice periods today. Frequent practice sessions are also encouraged throughout the day.
Begin the practice periods as usual, by repeating today's idea to yourself. Then, with closed eyes, search out your unloving thoughts in whatever form they appear; uneasiness, depression, anger, fear, worry, attack, insecurity and so on. Whatever form they take, they are unloving and therefore fearful.
And so it is from them that you need to be 'saved'.
Specific situations, events or personalities you associate with unloving thoughts of any kind are suitable subjects for today's exercises. It is your blessing of them that will give you a renewed vision.
Slowly, without conscious selection and without undue emphasis on any one in particular, search your mind for every thought that stands between you and your salvation. Apply the idea for today to each of them in this way:
My unloving thoughts about ______ are keeping me in fear. My holiness is my rite and my salvation.
Feel free to introduce variety into the exercise periods in whatever form appeals to you. In doing so, keep in your awareness that the idea should be stated so that its meaning is the fact that our holiness is a rite and our salvation.
May love and peace be with you throughout today♡ You are, I am, We all are, Loved. Blessed Be♡ Lori-Lynn
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