When decisions are based on fear (=hurt, anger, frustration), it certainly makes for one big fat messy outcome. Even more so when when you respond to these fears re-actively I usually step back from or remove myself altogether from these situations. Reactive responses are counter-productive. It's all about ego and blame, coming from a place of very deep hurt, choosing then to hurt others. It's the only way for that person to feel better. Striking out. It's based on a comfort zone. How one copes. It takes a skilled person to respond to an irrational person rationally. It requires an understanding of the action, the emotion and the hurt.
On the flip side, I, personally, am the polar opposite. I take on too much blame, often blame that is not mine (making me an easy target, by the way). I then process it to death. I always search for my role in any given situation. What did I do or not do to create this? What could I have done to change this? Why does this hurt and affect me so much? This is also a form of ego and blame. Perhaps sometimes things and situations just are. That is a statement AND a question. I don't know that answer. Does it really matter how we got here? Or is the importance primarily on moving forward? Can we really move forward without understanding how we got to where we are? I am always trying to understand the bigger picture. And seek acceptance within.
Trust and honesty (obviously) are at the forefront of my journey at present. There is such a saddness within me. I am working through it, but it is a process. I am doing the best that I can. I have always tried to see the best in others, trying to accept people for who they are and where they are personally. Trusted that all people are good deep down. As I see it at this time, this has not served me well. I do this because I know who I am and where I have come from. We each make decisions based on the knowledge and lessons that we individually and collectively have learned up to this point in time. That's all that we can do, until we make a choice to learn and to grow.
Up to any given moment in time, what is done is done and in no way can be 'undone.' We have to decide what our choices are from this moment in time, the here and now. If we choose to learn and grow or if we choose to stay where we are. Choice should be based on achieving the best possible outcome for all involved.
Life is an extraordinary journey...choose wisely.
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